Q: Why don't you update Diamondville more often?

A: If you think of it in geological terms, our updates occur quite frequently.

Q: Why do you talk about food so much here?

A: Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was having a bite of delicious peach pie. Next question.

Q: My (father/mother/grandmother/grandfather/uncle/aunt/cousin/teacher/doctor/minister/boss/shih tzu/etc.) is Neil's biggest fan. Can you arrange for Neil to (dedicate a song/publicly praise/come by and have a drink/mow the lawn/french-kiss/arm wrestle/shine some shoes/play a few games of Scrabble) (for/with) (him/her/it)? It would really make (his/her/its)(day/week/month/year/decade/millenium).

A: No. You have a basic misunderstanding of the employer/employee relationship. We don't generally tell our vocalist what to do. You might try FONDCLUB@aol.com if you're determined.

Q: Neil, I love you.

A: First of all, this is not a question. Secondly, it would better be posted to FONDclub@aol.com, which is Mr. Diamond's fan club email address. Sending his mail to us makes us feel uneasy about reading someone else's mail, so it gets automatically forwarded, but we don't always do so right away, so you're reducing the efficiency of your communication by putting it in our hands of the lazy critter who runs this here place.

Q: Can you get me some tickets, preferably in the front row, for the show in Bean Blossom?

A: No. First of all, no show has been announced yet for Bean Blossom, although we’ll try to work it in the next time we play Stoney Lonesome. Secondly, we're in the business of notes and rhythms. Tickets are SO outside our domain. The GeRFs and Prodo-types make it quite tough and complicated for us to get tickets for our families and chums, and for a good reason: it saves us from being tempted to try to wrangle tickets for those to whom we are not intimately related. Tickets are a nasty job, and that's why Ticketmaster is the way it is. If you've dealt with them, you know what I mean.

Q: Is Hadley really weird?

A: Finally, a question we can answer with a resounding YES! But Hadley is weird in a NICE way, the kind of way you would want your weird friends to be. And he is, after all, the Zen Master of Hang Time, so we have to cut him a sizeable amount of slack.

Q: Can I get backstage passes?

A: Backstage passes are for those of us working away on the show. It's dark and dirty and dangerous backstage, it's inhabited by spiders and snakes and crew guys with big flashlights and you don't wanna go there. When band members have guests at the show they receive after-show passes, which allow them to be shuttled off to a room where they can meet up with their hosts. The excitement is underwhelming, except for those who haven't seen each other for a long time. So, I guess what I'm saying is that the answer is no.

Q: What is it like working for Neil Diamond?

A: The fact that we've all been on the scene for so many years speaks for itself. Our boss is a kind, generous, loyal and wise employer; and as veterans of the music business know, such individuals are a rare entity in this world. We treasure our gig and our lead singer. On the other hand, he has been known to throw peanuts at us during rehearsals when he thinks no one will notice. And then there was that water pistol thing.

Q: What is the deal with Wake Up The Band? Was that a new song or an old song or what?

A: When we started working on our 2005 tour, we felt like a new band intro song was needed. Yes, Starflight was great for the 2001-2002 tour, but this was a different animal—Dogs yes, Cats no—and we needed something different. It's true that a long time ago we worked on a completely different song which also had the title "Wake Up The Band," but this isn't that one. As you may know, we recorded a song called Hosty on my CD, Taking America to America. The vocalist liked the groove of Hosty enough to want to use it in the show. So he and Alan and I brainstormed some new words for it, since it wouldn't make too much sense to introduce the band by singing about what they ate for breakfast. Along the way we added a little extra hook to the chorus of Hosty and ended up with what you'll hear in the show. It's not the usual way such things get done, but it's not unusual for us to be unusual, and we liked the final result. We hope you liked it too, but since it’s no longer in the show, it’s a moot point.

Q: Speaking of Cats, what happened to the Catgut Grrls?

A: We love them, just like it says in "The Catgut Tango," but nowadays we have to love them from afar. The quartet was a wonderful addition to the 2001-2002 tour, and we hope to have them with us again sometime down the line. The ladies are doing quite well, meanwhile, thank you. Dana still plays with the Pacific Symphony, Catherine is performing with her band "CZ & the Bon Vivants" and various ensembles in the San Francisco & Reno area, Marilyn is back home in Texas working at the university, and Alicia is adjusting to life as a COW (Commanding Officer's wife) in Japan. If you are distraught by this turn of events, remember that in Diamondville people have a way of reappearing when you least expect them. The Horn Dogz first toured with us in 1993, as did Julia and Maxine Waters. The Dogz and Julia returned in 2001, Maxine rejoined us in 2005. You can do the math, or you can just content yourself with least-expecting.

Q: How does Diamondville Tom find time to do the show, write the PBI, run the web site and keep up his blog thing all at once?

A: Well, this goes back to the first question. Obviously, he doesn't, or you'd see all of those things more regularly. He does manage to find time to do the show, the rest gets done when it gets done.